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Stop Selling! E-Zine - Issue No. 46 /December 2008

Dear Reader,

Do you like networking events? Or do you feel cold sweat running down your neck when you're only thinking about it?

Read William's entertaining article which might achieve a shift in your mind if you belong to the latter category. And if you like networking, well, then you'll enjoy William's article anyway.

Hope you'll have a wonderful holiday season and a great start into 2009!

Let’s keep progressing!

Charlie Lang
Executive Coach, Trainer and Founder of Progress-U Ltd.
Author of The Groupness Factor

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You look at the calendar, and you know it is almost party time. You know that you are going to get acquainted with the in-laws, relatives, and friends very soon. You will also be getting a lot of chances to socialize with colleagues, customers and business partners, too. And along the way, you will be meeting some unfamiliar faces – people that you haven’t seen after Jurassic Park or Flintstones, or some total strangers that you have never met before.

Sounds like Christmas? Or more like Halloween?

In this era when we might “become friends” with people through emails, MSN, or Facebook before we meet in real-life, and when we spend our days sitting in front of Apples or the Blackberrys or the Nokias (sending SMS rather than talking) more than in the meeting rooms, seminars or social events, it can feel like the act of starting a face-to-face conversation is an insurmountable challenge. The idea of walking up to someone you don’t know, someone who could be anybody, and letting the words direct themselves is more than a little scary. Not to mention the fear of rejection: What if the other person thinks you’re weird, crazy, or just plain boring? Could you handle that?

Joy to the World? Or trick and treat?

Unless you are in a business where you have too many existing customers to handle, the only way to expand your business is to get new business. And in order to get new business, you have to get new customers. And in order to get new customers, you HAVE to get out and find them, meet them, and earn their trust.

Remember you will only buy from people or companies that you trust?

So, you want to turn strangers into friends right away. By believing everyone is your friend, everyone will be your friend. That means when you are talking to someone you don’t know, act as if they were a friend or acquaintance you already know. 

Keep in mind though, there’s a fine line between friendly and creepy. You heard people that you never met and all of a sudden saying “How are you?” You wonder why he would care about how you are. Bang! The trust is gone.

What you say is not nearly as important as how you say it. Meeting people is about exchanging energy, not about being a wordsmith. When in doubt, just say “Hello”.

“Hello! My name is William, and you are?”

… and you let them respond, and listen, and listen well!

After you start the conversation, the quickest way to destroy a conversation and the trust and the rapport is to dominate the conversation.

Perhaps you noticed that people who are always interesting to talk to tend to be those that actually listen attentively to what you say, and resist the temptation to interrupt, criticize, or argue. They develop and encourage conversation, and use open-ended questions to probe the meaning behind your statements. Occasionally, they repeat your words verbatim. By restating your key words or phrases, they clarify communication, and also build rapport. And they show interest to learn your story.
One of the ways to create rapport quickly is by “matching and mirroring” other people’s body language, gestures, and voice patterns. Matching and mirroring is an unconscious body language mimicry by which one person tells another they are in agreement and aligned. Likewise, when people disagree, they subconsciously mismatch their body language gestures. 

The psychological principle behind matching and mirroring is the fact that people feel most comfortable when associating or doing business with people that they believe are similar to them.

“Birds of a feather flock together.”

So you are still hesitating to talk to strangers?

All right, strangers can be boring, awkward, and they can spoil an otherwise a great evening. Yet you might find someone who loves to watch good old fashion physical ice hockey from Canada, or who just got back from a Tango lesson trip to Argentina where you are planning to go also next year? 

You might even meet the next big customer that your company has never worked with before. Perhaps you will just make a friend at the event, or get a phone number, or an email address, or even obtain that ever-so-elusive phenomenon: the biggest client in your life.

These are all hypothetical, of course, but it might just be possible. It just demands a little effort on your part, and a little willingness to put yourself out there and let things unfold.  It might be frightening, but it also could be more rewarding than you expect.

As they always said: How can you be sure that you don’t like it if you’ve never tried it?

Have a nice Christmas holiday, and explore the brand new world of strangers. With the above tips, I’m sure it won’t turn into a Halloween.

For more information related to Progress-U's Stop Selling! programs including our negotiation program, please click here.

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