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Progress! Leading with Emotional Intelligence E-Zine - Issue No. 3/ April 2006

Dear Reader,

The fact that you are subscribed to our Emotional Intelligence for Leaders E-Zine makes it safe for us to assume that you are fairly interested in this rather new concept for becoming an even more effective leader.

Ever considered to experience a real life example of how you can use Emotional Intelligence in leadership?

We are happy to be able to offer now a convenient way to enroll for our upcoming briefing "Leading with Emotional Intelligence" on 25 April 2006, 6.00 - 7.30pm at Cliftons in Central, Hong Kong. Click here and see what happens.

Let's keep progressing!

Charlie Lang
Executive Coach and Founder of Progress-U Ltd.
Author of The Groupness Factor

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BAD NEWS?   MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS IN MINUTES

By Sebastien Henry, Executive Coach & Trainer,
Emotional Intelligence for Leaders Expert for Progress-U Ltd.

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One thing you probably have to face regularly as a corporate executive is...bad news! That could mean a customer calling to complain harshly or cancel a big order, a project not going as smoothly as expected and starting to turn really bad, an unexpected major expense to add to your budget, a team member who messed up one important task, and, yes...a CEO in a bad mood.

Typically, once the bad news comes in, this is what happens:

•  We feel quite strong emotions: disappointment, sadness, frustration, or anger.

•  We experience a change in our energy level: lower energy for disappointment and sadness, higher energy for frustration and anger.

•  Most importantly, we may not be very efficient for a good 15 or 30 minutes, or even longer. Actually, we do things that don't serve us best.

Having researched Emotional Intelligence for several years, I started to pay a lot of attention to what we do when we get some really bad news . I mean, what we do in the following 30 minutes . What do you typically do?

It is very tempting to do any or a combination of the following:

- Immediately go for a chat with a colleague or make a call if nobody is around (a good occasion to vent our disappointment, frustration or anger!)

- Use our brains very actively to complain, worry or brood over the problem, repeating the same arguments over and over

- Spend some time answering the most meaningless emails (the non-urgent and non-important ones!)

- If a team member comes in our room, release a bit of our tensions...on that member!

These kinds of activities will not take your business very far. We may say that it's OK to have this kind of unproductive times, once in a while. Sure, it may still be OK.

But what if you could change your emotional state within minutes? What if you could recover from a blow almost instantly?

Wouldn't you want to avoid being "hijacked" by your emotions, and avoid taking some actions you'd later regret? Who never had to cope with a boss flying regularly into a rage? It is a pity that there is no accurate measure of how such behavior damages motivation in a team, but I bet that it would be close to the top of the scale!

"Self-management" is one the key competencies of Emotional intelligence. In plain words, it is the ability to put yourself in resourceful emotions at will and quickly .

To me, this is a competency that is particularly crucial for managers. It isn't just because you are not productive when you are stuck in sadness, frustration or anger. It is also because you are not inspiring to your team members. Have you ever been inspired when your boss is sad, frustrated or angry?

In the April and May issues of this Ezine, I am going to share with you tools that I use regularly. To be honest, I was very skeptical myself initially. I thought that sometimes you have to let some time go after a blow to be able to get back to productive work. I also knew that it was OK to feel whatever I feel and not to suppress my feelings.

I wanted to explore a way to both:

-   respect my emotions and not suppress them, and

-   avoid being stuck for too long in emotions that don't serve me.

There are two parts in this approach:

1/ Getting the message

2/ Changing your emotional state in seconds

I am going to deal with the first point here, and leave the second for next month.

Getting the message deals with the emotion you are feeling, whether it is sadness, frustration or anger. It is the first step. I see an emotion as a courier knocking at our door. What is the message for you? What does it say about you?

When you experience a strong emotion, don't l shut the door on the courier, or escape through the back door. Pick up the message instead!

Getting the message is particularly challenging with anger, because it is so much more tempting to blame the troublemaker in your team. Actually, there may be good reasons to blame this person. Still, there is a courier with a message for you at the door.

Let me give you an example. I recently got quite angry at a potential business partner. I felt that he handled our starting partnership in a very careless way.

What was the message for me at the door?

I needed:

- to pay more attention to my early gut feelings in any new business relationship, and

- to clarify my vision of my ideal future business partners, how they would look like, and how they would behave.

The person I got angry at just disappeared from my eyes, and so did the anger itself. To be honest, in this case, I got the message only after taking five minutes to send a rather angry email that went a little bit too far. The beauty of Emotional intelligence is that there is always room for improvement!

Is there an emotion you often feel at work, one that does not serve you as a manager? What is it?   Somebody is knocking at the door! Will you pick up the message?

Conclusion: Getting the message is a crucial step that should not be missed. Otherwise, you risk denying your emotions. Getting the message is a pre-requisite for the second step: changing your emotions in minutes (to be discussed in May).

It is not always easy to get the message. It sometimes requires a few minutes of attention. Personally, I even have to occasionally write for a few minutes to find it out. But it's worth it. Remember, at the end of the road is your increased ability to master your emotions and keep inspiring your people even when facing bad news.  

Let's keep progressing !

Sebastien Henry

Don't miss the next review of books on "Leading with Emotional Intelligence".

Coming in May:

Linking Emotional Intelligence and Performance at Work , by Vanessa Urch Druskat, Fabio Sala and Gerald Mount

For current reviews, please click here.

For more information related to Progress-U Leadership Training and Coaching, please click here.

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Copyright 2006 by Progress-U Limited