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Leading with Emotional Intelligence E-Zine - Issue No. 18/ September 2007

Dear Reader,

In traditional Chinese culture, giving praise for a job well done seems not to be a common practice. I often observe that parents in China including Hong Kong tend to believe that giving praise to their children would somehow make them complacent and reduce their willingness to try harder and improve.

As a result, I noticed a typcial pattern particularly among young high achievers: I frequently coach managers in their 30ies who have already achieved a quite senior position at a rather young age. When I conduct the Harrison Assessment, I notice in about 90% of the cases a combination of very high self-improvement and a rather low score in self-acceptance, i.e. these managers tend to be very self-critical.

While this pattern obviously helped them to progress quickly in their careers as they tend to 'beat themselves up' to get better, the very same pattern becomes an obstacle the more they reach senior positions where they are increasingly supposed to be a role model for many other people.

The problem is: If you don't accept yourself the way you are, others pick that up and in return don't really fully accept you.

The upbringing is often a reason for this pattern, but the good news is: it can be changed. If you'd like to know more about your own pattern and how it could be improved, feel free to contact me.

Let's keep progressing!

Charlie Lang
Executive Coach and Founder of Progress-U Ltd.
Author of The Groupness Factor

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Are Business Trips an Obstacle to Developing Emotional Intelligence?

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by Sebastien Henry

I know this is a quite unusual question. And yes, of course, it is a silly and provocative one. But there is a lot at stake behind this question: how can programs on Emotional Intelligence for managers be more effective?

It came to my mind this week while attending the 6th World Summit on Emotional Intelligence in Johannesburg, South Africa.

There were participants from the UK, US, Australia, Germany, South Africa and…one from China (I am actually the only “Asian” here!). Some of the participants were academics, consultants, and teachers.

There was a lot of learning going on. One of the key points that most participants agreed on is that it takes regular practice to achieve significant results in developing our Emotional Intelligence, ideally over a period of six months. Just like playing a musical instrument.

People who are serious about developing their Emotional Intelligence in a corporate environment have plenty of opportunities to practice: human interactions are just everywhere.

The problem is that there are also plenty of obstacles to regular practice. The main obstacle is having other priorities, which makes developing our emotional intelligence rarely a top priority.

Imagine somebody attending piano lessons for one session and then practicing once in a while. To learn to play well, he needs to do more than this.

People need continuous support to achieve significant change. They need a place where they can reflect on what they have been trying to do differently, what works and what doesn’t work yet. And then adjust their goals for development. Ideally, this should happen every two to four weeks.

This is precisely what 1 to 1 coaching makes possible, and this is one of the reasons why it is becoming so popular.

But what about for groups?

Regular follow-up sessions with groups of managers in Greater China prove extremely difficult to organize. Whether in HK, Shanghai or Beijing, people travel a lot. It is extremely difficult to gather them again after an initial session.

In that sense, to put it in a provocative way, business trips are an obstacle to developing our Emotional Intelligence! Now, what can we do about it?

Of course, teleconferences can be an option. It is an affordable, convenient and flexible way to offer support to participants.

However, when it comes to developing Emotional Intelligence, it is important to have at least some face to face sessions, especially with groups.

To answer the problem of business trips, we set a fixed schedule for the follow-up sessions right at the beginning of the program, even if it is six months in advance. It is crucial to make sure that business trips are arranged in consideration of the Emotional Intelligence program…not the opposite!

Of course, this requires that the participants have real engagement to the program. But this is a topic that I will address in another article

Feel free to contact me if you wish to discuss the content of this article. I am passionate about this issue and always enjoy sharing views and ideas.

For more information related to Progress-U Leadership Training and Coaching, please click here.

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